So we’re all cat fanciers here. But not everyone feels the love. So here are the top 10 reasons why people say they don’t like cats. (Oh, and our responses).

1. Cats don’t give you any affection.

This one is great; I love the way people expect affection in return for providing food & board. Are you a farmer? No? Then please stop expecting a return on investment from a pet. Plus, sometimes your cat will bring you in a half-chewed mouse. Don’t say he never gave you nothin’.

2. Look, I just prefer dogs.

Dogs are cool. No doubt about it. But preferring dogs just means you haven’t got to know what cats are like yet. Hear us out. See dogs offer a different form of companionship. Where dogs have limitless energy and devotion, cats have limited tolerance and patience. It’s a context thing. We’re saying if you love dogs, you love pets. So you probably love cats but don’t know it yet.

3. I don’t hate cats. I hate cat people.

Yeah. Cat people are insufferable. So why are you reading this? Why have you watched Funny Cats 10 times? Why have you browsed icanhascheezburger.com 50 times in the past 6 months? You ARE a cat person.

4. Cats do nothing except sit there looking superior.

Amusing. The cat has a mind the size of an egg. He’s not feeling superior. He’s falling asleep because watching a fly crawl about for 20 minutes straight is like really tiring and stuff.

5. The cat could smother my baby!

There’s an utterly brilliant article on Snopes.com about the urban myth of the house cat sucking the breath from a newborn baby. Honestly it could be one of my favourite pieces of BS ever. Your cat is more likely to teach your toddler that animals are not here for our amusement, and so do not like to be poked in the belly 200 times when lounged out on the sofa. That’s a life lesson right there.

6. Cat poo is extremely toxic to my baby!

This is true, cat excrement is really bad for young kids. A baby can get sick from eating cat poop (somebody asked). Babies can also get sick from being dropped into the cutlery drawer, playing with light bulbs, eating the paste from the brown recycle bin and being swung into light fittings by accident. That’s a round about way of saying, take care of your kids and don’t let them play in the litter tray (Incidentally you know those public park sandboxes? Don’t put your kids in there, like, ever.)

7. I’m allergic to cats.

Honestly, this is a real complaint and is just awful. We know cat people who are allergic to cats and it’s very upsetting. Being around cats is, for them, a nightmare. No answers here. It’s a genuine problem, the one genuine reason on this list.

8. Cats are too expensive to keep.

They really aren’t. Food & litter can cost as little as €5 a week, when bought in bulk. You’ll need to splash out on annual vaccinations, worming pills and other sundries (about €100) to keep Mr. Bojangles minty fresh. Everything after that is you being a cat herder and spoiling your cat in a way that makes people look at you and go Seriously dude, why are you buying a stick with a feathery mouse puppet on the end.

9. Cats are filthy and will pollute my home.

WRONGS. Cats will tear up your carpets, scratch at ill-chosen furniture and, if you live near open land, offer the occasional puked-up demi-rodent. The rest of the time, they will sleep and wait for you to come home from work so they can have a nap to recover from all the sleeping. They will poop outside or in the toilet if you teach them. The only filth will be caused by you not cleaning out the litter tray. But you knew that.

10. Cats will poop in my garden

Nope, they’ll poop in the neighbour’s garden. And will bury it quite neatly. It’s like magic. Who taught them to do that? Who knows. They just do it, then they look around and go, Whatevers, I don’t need no ornament made of china and whirlpool invention to keep myselfs.

There’s our 10. Any more? Drop them in the comments.